Let's take a look at how two stores in the same general region of each other operate - they are just two amongst a half dozen or so, but Store A and Store B are really quite different.
Operations
Store A has a clean, well-lit showroom and the place is always stocked with product.
Store B has a larger retail space but is kind of dirty and product is not always replaced rapidly.
Store A does repairs of guns but doesn't really have an in house gun tech - some markers go back to the factory for repair, but simple stuff is fixed in house. Customers are generally happy.
Store B does repairs and in fact used to be a great repair shop but has since dropped employees and has difficulty finding someone who can both fix paintball guns and show up to work regularly. Stuff gets fixed, sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't. Customers are sort of ok with it.
Store A is run by its owner with only occasional help from part-time employees.
Store B is run by the employees and the owner doesn't really have much to do at all with day-to-day operations and is out of touch with the entire industry and business.
Prices
Both stores carry the same line of paint.
Store A raised prices when the manufacturer raised prices - they pretty much have the highest prices in the area on paint and are competitive on other products. They will not cut deals except in very large quantities, and no haggling is appriciated.
Store B has the lowest prices on paint, and haggling is a daily occurence.
Margins
Store A runs almost 40% margins, Store B tries to run at 30% but will blow things out when necessary.
Sales
This is simple - store A brings in roughly twice as much gross sales as Store B, every month.
Results and the Future
Which of these two stores do you think is going to survive this coming year of paintball? That answer is simple too:
Neither one of them is going to survive. Paintball is doomed. Their only hopes for the future are that the other shops in the area go out of business before them so what little piece of pie is left can be divided up in fewer chunks.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Challenges for the next paintball video game
This is an open challenge to everyone and anyone to completely and accurately simulate the total paintball experience. This is a lot more difficult than most people think - throw some new guns in, some flashy disco style uniforms, and some fistfights and there you go. Really, I'm looking for a greater level of realism than most other people.
Video game creators have done all sorts of shooter games, getting progressively more complex and refined, even in a narrow genre - for example, play the first Medal of Honor and then Call of Duty 3; quite a difference all around in how they've stepped up everything from graphics to interactivity. We need this level of commitment and effort from the paintball game creators, too. So let's get down to details!
One of the first things I noticed with Greg Hasting's Max'd was the total lack of between-paintball interaction. You play a tournament, maybe buy a gun from Actionvillage, and then enter yet another tourney. Here's some ideas for what really happens, along with their in-game values:
But really, a lot of that fast-n-furious action can wear a person out. When you're kind of over the tournament experience you need to unwind with the next great business simulation:
PAINTBALL SHOP AND FIELD MANAGER: THE GAME
Yes, all of the tense nail-biting moments of being a real-life paintball manager can be yours on one exciting disc! Who could put down all of the minigames like these?:
Answering The Phone. This mini-game can pop up at ANY TIME during gameplay, but mostly when you're actually doing something very complex. When you pick up the phone, you'll be launched into one of the following conversations:
Negotiating With Paint Distributors: Try to fight the price increase!
Filing Receiving Vouchers: Don't screw up your inventory counts.
Physical Inventory: Pick up every single object in the shop. Write it down. Repeat monthly.
Dealing With Customers: Old guys will come in telling you they need their kids gun fixed so they can go shoot the neighbors cats. Kids will come in (all of which are required by law to have major speech impediments) and ask for you to fix their gun so they can shoot their little brother in the eye. Teenagers will come in looking to find the gun that shoots the farthest.
CO2 Fills: They take forever, and pay very little! BONUS GAME: Take the $32 tank they just bought at WalMart out of the package and then fill it!
Listen to Complaints: "Jeez! Paint is expensive!" (Yeah, not like ten years ago - oh wait)
Ordering New Product: After this mini game it takes you directly to "Praying for UPS To Come, Someday"
Dealing with Sales Reps: See if you can detect when they are lying!
BONUS Game: Make sure to check Actionvillage every day, because you're only going to find out about price drops from them - not your reps!
FIELD GAMES:
Repair the Nets. Again.
Blow Up Bunkers When Its 25 Degrees Out
Yell At Kids Dryfiring In Staging Area
Please Keep Your Goggles On
Hey! Do You Have A Wristband?
No, You Can't Use The HPA Fill Station For Your CO2 Tank.
Please Keep Your Goggles On!
Rearrange Airball Field For Local Pro Team
Kick Out A Wiper
Break Up Fight
CAN YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST KEEP YOUR GOGGLES ON?
Seriously, though. This would make a great game. I'd play it if I could see through the tears.
Video game creators have done all sorts of shooter games, getting progressively more complex and refined, even in a narrow genre - for example, play the first Medal of Honor and then Call of Duty 3; quite a difference all around in how they've stepped up everything from graphics to interactivity. We need this level of commitment and effort from the paintball game creators, too. So let's get down to details!
One of the first things I noticed with Greg Hasting's Max'd was the total lack of between-paintball interaction. You play a tournament, maybe buy a gun from Actionvillage, and then enter yet another tourney. Here's some ideas for what really happens, along with their in-game values:
- Delivering pizza for three months to get enough money to enter the next tournament. (+$200, +10lbs of fat from the ones that got "dropped")
- "The Haggler" mini-game where you try to get the bro deal from your local shop. (Save $5, +100 to Shop Manager's Irritation Score)
- Sneak around the nets at practice - save money on entry at the local field! (Save up to $25!)
- Whoops! Tank out of hydro - better get a fresh looking bottle cover, at least! (-$35 - you could go cheaper, but without Dye on it, you wouldn't be a pro)
- Damn, your team is kicked out of the last field in a 100 mile radius - better not light up the rental groups anymore. (-100 Field Manager Stress Points, +100 to your rep, brah!)
- Your snake player gets a DUI. Better find some hired guns to fill out the roster. (Add on hours and hours of tense negotiations surrounded by pot smoke and DerDer DVD's being used as coasters).
But really, a lot of that fast-n-furious action can wear a person out. When you're kind of over the tournament experience you need to unwind with the next great business simulation:
PAINTBALL SHOP AND FIELD MANAGER: THE GAME
Yes, all of the tense nail-biting moments of being a real-life paintball manager can be yours on one exciting disc! Who could put down all of the minigames like these?:
Answering The Phone. This mini-game can pop up at ANY TIME during gameplay, but mostly when you're actually doing something very complex. When you pick up the phone, you'll be launched into one of the following conversations:
- "My paintball gun doesn't work. Can you tell me how to fix it? I don't know what kind of gun it is. It just won't shoot."
- "Do you carry green gas for airsoft guns?"
"Congratulations! Your business has been pre-approved for a Merchant Services acounnnnnalskjgahslgdhaskdhglhs " - "When do you close?"
- "Do you have any sniper barrels?"
- "Uh. I have a question for you? Do you sell paintballs? (Yes) Uh. Em. Uhrh. Oh. I have another question for you? Do you have new barrels for my gun? I don't know what kind of gun it is. Ur. Uh. Ok.
" - "When do you open?"
- "Do you have paintballs for those paintball blowguns?"
- "Do you have any VM-68 parts? No? What kind of paintball store are you?"
- "Do you buy used paintball guns? (Sometimes) Ok, I have a broken Autococker. WHAT? FIFTY BUCKS? I PAID OVER A THOUSAND FOR THIS THING!"
- "Do you guys have any Draxxus Gold? How much? Jeez, I can get it for $25 a case online."
- "Do you guys fill CO2 tanks?"
Negotiating With Paint Distributors: Try to fight the price increase!
Filing Receiving Vouchers: Don't screw up your inventory counts.
Physical Inventory: Pick up every single object in the shop. Write it down. Repeat monthly.
Dealing With Customers: Old guys will come in telling you they need their kids gun fixed so they can go shoot the neighbors cats. Kids will come in (all of which are required by law to have major speech impediments) and ask for you to fix their gun so they can shoot their little brother in the eye. Teenagers will come in looking to find the gun that shoots the farthest.
CO2 Fills: They take forever, and pay very little! BONUS GAME: Take the $32 tank they just bought at WalMart out of the package and then fill it!
Listen to Complaints: "Jeez! Paint is expensive!" (Yeah, not like ten years ago - oh wait)
Ordering New Product: After this mini game it takes you directly to "Praying for UPS To Come, Someday"
Dealing with Sales Reps: See if you can detect when they are lying!
BONUS Game: Make sure to check Actionvillage every day, because you're only going to find out about price drops from them - not your reps!
FIELD GAMES:
Repair the Nets. Again.
Blow Up Bunkers When Its 25 Degrees Out
Yell At Kids Dryfiring In Staging Area
Please Keep Your Goggles On
Hey! Do You Have A Wristband?
No, You Can't Use The HPA Fill Station For Your CO2 Tank.
Please Keep Your Goggles On!
Rearrange Airball Field For Local Pro Team
Kick Out A Wiper
Break Up Fight
CAN YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST KEEP YOUR GOGGLES ON?
Seriously, though. This would make a great game. I'd play it if I could see through the tears.
Monday, October 1, 2007
KC Rumors, "Unfinished Business", and Odds n' Ends
Over at M Carter Brown they've got an interesting rumor regarding some of the details of the debacle in KC - Ironmen switching jersey's, Impact rules-lawyering, and a fiendish plot twist involving Bruce Willis actually being a ghost.
So, yeah - they're going to play the Ironman v. Impact game in Novemember at Commander's Cup. Whee.
MQ valves are out, and I want one badly. I'm not really into electros, but my desire for an MQ valved E-bladed pump are bordering on the clinically insane. Yes, it's stupid, yes it's absurd, but the idea of a pump with what could be the smoothest stroke ever known to mankind coupled with no hammer/spring and programmable software is MY KIND OF CRAZY.
Speaking o' cockers, Actionvillage is kicking Prostocks out the door at $89. That fire sale they had over at JT/WGP must have been quite an event if they're able to sell them that low at RETAIL. Goddamn, I might just get one.
So, yeah - they're going to play the Ironman v. Impact game in Novemember at Commander's Cup. Whee.
MQ valves are out, and I want one badly. I'm not really into electros, but my desire for an MQ valved E-bladed pump are bordering on the clinically insane. Yes, it's stupid, yes it's absurd, but the idea of a pump with what could be the smoothest stroke ever known to mankind coupled with no hammer/spring and programmable software is MY KIND OF CRAZY.
Speaking o' cockers, Actionvillage is kicking Prostocks out the door at $89. That fire sale they had over at JT/WGP must have been quite an event if they're able to sell them that low at RETAIL. Goddamn, I might just get one.
Friday, September 28, 2007
So you want to get sponsored...
There a ton of articles online about how to get sponsored but nobody seems to bother to read them. So here's some more shouting into a dark hole for you.
Pretend for just a moment that I am a shop owner. You and your friend come into my shop and tell me you're starting a team at your local school and how much money will I pay to have them put my shop logo on their jersey?
If there is somebody out there that makes mechanical trapdoors above pits of spikes, you could do booming business in paintball.
But before I throw the level dropping you to certain death, here are some general guidelines.
To approach any business, be it a shop, field, manufacturer, or paint company, you are going to have to get your shit in order. First question, can I see your portfolio?
(blank stares)
Yes. You need to put together a portfolio, or resume, of your team. What you have done, what you plan to do, your team number for the leagues you are in, information on the players, the whole shebang. If you do not have this you are doomed. I know, I know, you're going to be a pro paintballer so the only skills you have are seizure-like fingers and the ability to trash motel rooms. But seriously, you need to try to look professional at least on paper.
If you are looking for sponsors then you're probably not going to be going direct to a manufacturer but rather the local lunatic that decided to ruin his life by opening a paintball shop. Here are some benefits that you can bring to your favorite local shop:
1) Buy your gear and paint from them. If everybody on your team buys some stuff it makes the owner much happier, even if he is giving you a slight discount already. If you are a 'regular' and have some sort of relationship with the shop it's going to be a lot easier to talk about sponsorship.
2) Field owner? Bring by a brand-new rental player every weekend you practice there. Grab uncles, cousins, friends from school, and introduce them to the sport of paintball. If you setup a couple rental groups for a church outreach or bachelor party then the owner will probably hook you up with something and make you look like an all-star. New blood for a field is absolutely awesome and if your bud really likes it then bring him over to the shop to pick up a gun or at least some accessories. My tip: Have your excited friend buy a decent mask before anything else. It's comfy and is an easier purchase on their wallet than a whole setup.
3) Tell people you know to shop at the paintball store you want to be sponsored by, or are already sponsored by for that matter. This makes shop owners VERY happy. This is a lot better than having their tiny logo somewhere on your jersey in a sea of hundreds of other logos at a tournament which is probably far away anyways. One guy I know who owns a shop east of me sponsors a team by getting them paint at cost - in an entire year not one person has come into his store and said, "Tipsy McStagger from Team Douchepants told me to buy from you!" He is not a happy camper and his sponsored team is probably going to be unhappy pretty soon.
4) Your local field probably needs some help setting up and tearing down. Get all your teammates out there to do some grunt work in the morning or evening and even if you suck and never win your sponsor will be getting SOME value from having you out there.
5) WIN A GODDAMNED TROPHY. Seriously. You don't have to dominate the local circuit but for shit's sake win something and bring it to the shop to put on the wall. A trophy only collects dust in your room - at your shop more people will see it and everybody will be in awe of you.
6) Be ambassadors for paintball and your sponsors. Don't cheat (although nowadays that will probably make #5 impossible), help out new players, clean up after yourselves, and make a good impression on the community. If you get better and get some magazine coverage make sure your sponsor's names are spelled correctly; don't worry about your name, nobody gives a damn. Have your grinning mug in the winners circle but make sure it's right next to a big fucking banner covered in sponsors. Do not sleep with the owner's daughter, do not get blazed in the field parking lot, do not steal paint from the shed, and do not shoot the refs in the crotch.
Follow these tips and you and all of your friends could be well on the way to becoming a Triple-B class team like the rest!*
*(BBB= Bitter, Burned out, and Broke)
Pretend for just a moment that I am a shop owner. You and your friend come into my shop and tell me you're starting a team at your local school and how much money will I pay to have them put my shop logo on their jersey?
If there is somebody out there that makes mechanical trapdoors above pits of spikes, you could do booming business in paintball.
But before I throw the level dropping you to certain death, here are some general guidelines.
To approach any business, be it a shop, field, manufacturer, or paint company, you are going to have to get your shit in order. First question, can I see your portfolio?
(blank stares)
Yes. You need to put together a portfolio, or resume, of your team. What you have done, what you plan to do, your team number for the leagues you are in, information on the players, the whole shebang. If you do not have this you are doomed. I know, I know, you're going to be a pro paintballer so the only skills you have are seizure-like fingers and the ability to trash motel rooms. But seriously, you need to try to look professional at least on paper.
If you are looking for sponsors then you're probably not going to be going direct to a manufacturer but rather the local lunatic that decided to ruin his life by opening a paintball shop. Here are some benefits that you can bring to your favorite local shop:
1) Buy your gear and paint from them. If everybody on your team buys some stuff it makes the owner much happier, even if he is giving you a slight discount already. If you are a 'regular' and have some sort of relationship with the shop it's going to be a lot easier to talk about sponsorship.
2) Field owner? Bring by a brand-new rental player every weekend you practice there. Grab uncles, cousins, friends from school, and introduce them to the sport of paintball. If you setup a couple rental groups for a church outreach or bachelor party then the owner will probably hook you up with something and make you look like an all-star. New blood for a field is absolutely awesome and if your bud really likes it then bring him over to the shop to pick up a gun or at least some accessories. My tip: Have your excited friend buy a decent mask before anything else. It's comfy and is an easier purchase on their wallet than a whole setup.
3) Tell people you know to shop at the paintball store you want to be sponsored by, or are already sponsored by for that matter. This makes shop owners VERY happy. This is a lot better than having their tiny logo somewhere on your jersey in a sea of hundreds of other logos at a tournament which is probably far away anyways. One guy I know who owns a shop east of me sponsors a team by getting them paint at cost - in an entire year not one person has come into his store and said, "Tipsy McStagger from Team Douchepants told me to buy from you!" He is not a happy camper and his sponsored team is probably going to be unhappy pretty soon.
4) Your local field probably needs some help setting up and tearing down. Get all your teammates out there to do some grunt work in the morning or evening and even if you suck and never win your sponsor will be getting SOME value from having you out there.
5) WIN A GODDAMNED TROPHY. Seriously. You don't have to dominate the local circuit but for shit's sake win something and bring it to the shop to put on the wall. A trophy only collects dust in your room - at your shop more people will see it and everybody will be in awe of you.
6) Be ambassadors for paintball and your sponsors. Don't cheat (although nowadays that will probably make #5 impossible), help out new players, clean up after yourselves, and make a good impression on the community. If you get better and get some magazine coverage make sure your sponsor's names are spelled correctly; don't worry about your name, nobody gives a damn. Have your grinning mug in the winners circle but make sure it's right next to a big fucking banner covered in sponsors. Do not sleep with the owner's daughter, do not get blazed in the field parking lot, do not steal paint from the shed, and do not shoot the refs in the crotch.
Follow these tips and you and all of your friends could be well on the way to becoming a Triple-B class team like the rest!*
*(BBB= Bitter, Burned out, and Broke)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Ollie Lang on the KC Tie
Here's his post on the Nation about what went down at KC.
My reaction after reading this is pretty much unchanged - it's still kind of like a poker deal. Respect, stand up guys, yada yada - it's not stupid on either teams part to cut a deal like this. That, in a lot of ways, is probably part of the problem with Money and Paintball; it makes good economic sense. Economics is an interesting and complex subject and one that has always been tied up with paintball, but it doesn't mean that ECON + P8NTBL = FUN.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
NPPL KC Post Mortem...
So KC wrapped up and the scores are posted for everyone that is interested (it feels kind of neat to be one of about a hundred people over the age of 14 that are marginally interested in this) and sweet shit Batman, what the fuck happened with XSV? I think I might actually feel sorry for Rich "Goggle Safety!" Telford given the thrashing they appear to have received. They pulled it out in the later rounds but since I can't quite find a reliable report or get their webcast to show me anything meaningful I'll have to wait for the gossip mill to fill in the gaps.
I am seriously thinking that Edmonton Impact doing so well might have had something to do with the Canadian dollar going slightly higher than the American dollar for the first time in Forever. The Canadians, wily as they have always been, are going to storm American paintball and sell all of our lower division teams into slavery, forcing them to chisel Hellfire fill that has frozen to the exterior of their chilly bunkersets.
The fact that Impact and Ironment cut a deal (Is paintball more like the final table at a poker tournament?) and packed up shows some of the problems with tourneyball, but I can't personally blame them. I can't blame the Ironmen either because paintball as a competitive sport isn't about some sort of real local pride or honor (There might be a bunch of pbnation fanclubs but those can't come close to Packers fans). This is some mercenary shit and in the current state of tourneyball makes perfect sense. It's tough for a player to be really loyal when they can't pay the goddamned rent, either.
Let's dig up XSV again (yes, towards the bottom...) - people jumped ship, the team kept soldiering on, and paintball rolls along. But when it comes to sponsorship goods, money, etc, it only is going to flow to the teams at the top. Win, or go home. XSV might be fucked on this one, dropping down a division. All of the Pro level teams are relying on a whole bunch of lower division teams to keep the league going. The money has to come from somewhere and the amount that it takes for any of those divisions to compete is nuts.
For the small sponsors is it even worth it at all, though? Is McSplats Paintstore Hideway really going to get any more business because (picking random lower division team from score standings)....Bonus Ballers is ranked 29th in Div III? God, I hope so. For both of them.
The only other funny thing was my conversation with a friend from out of town on the phone. I mentioned a lower division team that he has reffed numerous times down south and he exploded. "Those motherfuckers are the worst cheating bastards! They don't even seem to practice hiding it from me! If you're going to wipe two hits at once at least try and use some goddamned deception." Well, I guess they've gotten better at hiding it looking at the standings...
I am seriously thinking that Edmonton Impact doing so well might have had something to do with the Canadian dollar going slightly higher than the American dollar for the first time in Forever. The Canadians, wily as they have always been, are going to storm American paintball and sell all of our lower division teams into slavery, forcing them to chisel Hellfire fill that has frozen to the exterior of their chilly bunkersets.
The fact that Impact and Ironment cut a deal (Is paintball more like the final table at a poker tournament?) and packed up shows some of the problems with tourneyball, but I can't personally blame them. I can't blame the Ironmen either because paintball as a competitive sport isn't about some sort of real local pride or honor (There might be a bunch of pbnation fanclubs but those can't come close to Packers fans). This is some mercenary shit and in the current state of tourneyball makes perfect sense. It's tough for a player to be really loyal when they can't pay the goddamned rent, either.
Let's dig up XSV again (yes, towards the bottom...) - people jumped ship, the team kept soldiering on, and paintball rolls along. But when it comes to sponsorship goods, money, etc, it only is going to flow to the teams at the top. Win, or go home. XSV might be fucked on this one, dropping down a division. All of the Pro level teams are relying on a whole bunch of lower division teams to keep the league going. The money has to come from somewhere and the amount that it takes for any of those divisions to compete is nuts.
For the small sponsors is it even worth it at all, though? Is McSplats Paintstore Hideway really going to get any more business because (picking random lower division team from score standings)....Bonus Ballers is ranked 29th in Div III? God, I hope so. For both of them.
The only other funny thing was my conversation with a friend from out of town on the phone. I mentioned a lower division team that he has reffed numerous times down south and he exploded. "Those motherfuckers are the worst cheating bastards! They don't even seem to practice hiding it from me! If you're going to wipe two hits at once at least try and use some goddamned deception." Well, I guess they've gotten better at hiding it looking at the standings...
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Prepare For the Downward Slide...
There are a lot of people over the years in paintball that have said that the sport (if you can even call it a sport) is on the decline for whatever reason: constant air is going to ruin it, semi-autos are the devil, cheater boards, anti-paintball gun laws, liability insurance going up, and the internet as a whole putting the final nail in the coffin. I think I have a slightly different take on the subject.
I think nowadays in paintball the only part of the industry I can even be remotely optimistic about is the rec baller that plays in his backyard or out at his parents cabin with his friends. Those guys are playing for fun. They come in and get their CO2 fills and some white box paint and are happy. This is quite a contrast from the tournament players.
I highly recommend not taking a nap at any tournament events - that shade underneath the tree might look inviting, but you'll probably wake up with a tourney baller sticking a pair of vise grips in your mouth trying to rip out your gold fillings. Maybe that is a little overblown, but I won't be surprised at all when I see the police report hit the newswire.
Lets continue painting with a broad brush here. Tournament players have some really great habits regardless of age. Not all of them, but enough of them to overshadow all the rest. Let's go through them one at a time.
Bonus Balling
Not sure what else to say on this except that drilling three into the back of the head of a guy walking away with his gun raised, on purpose, after they have seen the ref pull him - well, that's some bonus ballin for ya right there. Putting six into a guy because you've got your gun set on Ultra Leet Pbnation Ramp Mode is bad enough, but after the guy is walking away? Please. (Please Note: This incident wasn't from some wannabe - it's from a guy that is on a team that might appear on television someday if this industry can get its head of its ass.)
Abuse of the Refs
It seems like this is almost mandatory nowadays. I don't know if I'll ever read a post or hear a comment about reffing being fair or objective. But the great thing is, tourney players let those refs know when they have a disagreement - all the way from yelling and screaming to plugging a ref across the field with two balls to the crotch because the guy didn't like the quality of his paint checking. Wow.
Rampant and Unapologetic Cheating
It just boggles my mind that tourneyballers need a ref when they are scrimmaging against their own squad. You'd think the half-dozen people in their 'posse' they haul onto the field could handle running the damn games, especially when they've bro-dealed their way into a comped entry for the day. But I've finally figured it out - they don't need a ref to setup and run games, they need a ref to practice their cheating in front of. Their wipes and slides and hip checks and protesting and distracting - all of it needs to be finely honed for the next tournament, and the guys in their squad already know all their tricks. I wonder if it ever occurred to them that if they called themselves out (whether it broke or not for chrissakes!) they might actually become better players? I guess they don't need to figure out how to play better when cheating better is going to pay off more.
The Dynamic Duo
Hey everybody, I'd like you to meet two of your favorite tournament players: Drunky McShitface and his brother, Snorty McCokefuck! Where's the party at, man? Wow we got so faded last night! Lets go hotbox the coaches car again in the parking lot with some of that dank! Maybe if we take one of our fifteen empty paint boxes (which we certainly didn't pay money for!) we can hide our empty beer bottles in it and nobody will be the wiser!
The Bro Deal
Hats off to a team that can find someone stupid enough to sponsor them - for the amount of money that a sponsor can pour into a team they could hire some temps to set fire to dollar bills all day. It would be about as effective, and maybe even better, because at least the burning dollar bills aren't going to knock up somebody's underage daughter while on tour. Teams getting paid in product completely screws the retailers in a local area because they're going to be flogging brand new guns off at half price while the ones on the shop wall will slowly collect dust.
We Are Screwed
These are the guys that are supposed to be the best and the brightest when it comes to play, conduct, and representation of the sport. What came out of the woods into the Xtreme Kool world of youth adrenalin sports has become something totally different. How the hell are we going to manage to do anything except piss people off with shit like this happening for the whole world to see?
I think nowadays in paintball the only part of the industry I can even be remotely optimistic about is the rec baller that plays in his backyard or out at his parents cabin with his friends. Those guys are playing for fun. They come in and get their CO2 fills and some white box paint and are happy. This is quite a contrast from the tournament players.
I highly recommend not taking a nap at any tournament events - that shade underneath the tree might look inviting, but you'll probably wake up with a tourney baller sticking a pair of vise grips in your mouth trying to rip out your gold fillings. Maybe that is a little overblown, but I won't be surprised at all when I see the police report hit the newswire.
Lets continue painting with a broad brush here. Tournament players have some really great habits regardless of age. Not all of them, but enough of them to overshadow all the rest. Let's go through them one at a time.
Bonus Balling
Not sure what else to say on this except that drilling three into the back of the head of a guy walking away with his gun raised, on purpose, after they have seen the ref pull him - well, that's some bonus ballin for ya right there. Putting six into a guy because you've got your gun set on Ultra Leet Pbnation Ramp Mode is bad enough, but after the guy is walking away? Please. (Please Note: This incident wasn't from some wannabe - it's from a guy that is on a team that might appear on television someday if this industry can get its head of its ass.)
Abuse of the Refs
It seems like this is almost mandatory nowadays. I don't know if I'll ever read a post or hear a comment about reffing being fair or objective. But the great thing is, tourney players let those refs know when they have a disagreement - all the way from yelling and screaming to plugging a ref across the field with two balls to the crotch because the guy didn't like the quality of his paint checking. Wow.
Rampant and Unapologetic Cheating
It just boggles my mind that tourneyballers need a ref when they are scrimmaging against their own squad. You'd think the half-dozen people in their 'posse' they haul onto the field could handle running the damn games, especially when they've bro-dealed their way into a comped entry for the day. But I've finally figured it out - they don't need a ref to setup and run games, they need a ref to practice their cheating in front of. Their wipes and slides and hip checks and protesting and distracting - all of it needs to be finely honed for the next tournament, and the guys in their squad already know all their tricks. I wonder if it ever occurred to them that if they called themselves out (whether it broke or not for chrissakes!) they might actually become better players? I guess they don't need to figure out how to play better when cheating better is going to pay off more.
The Dynamic Duo
Hey everybody, I'd like you to meet two of your favorite tournament players: Drunky McShitface and his brother, Snorty McCokefuck! Where's the party at, man? Wow we got so faded last night! Lets go hotbox the coaches car again in the parking lot with some of that dank! Maybe if we take one of our fifteen empty paint boxes (which we certainly didn't pay money for!) we can hide our empty beer bottles in it and nobody will be the wiser!
The Bro Deal
Hats off to a team that can find someone stupid enough to sponsor them - for the amount of money that a sponsor can pour into a team they could hire some temps to set fire to dollar bills all day. It would be about as effective, and maybe even better, because at least the burning dollar bills aren't going to knock up somebody's underage daughter while on tour. Teams getting paid in product completely screws the retailers in a local area because they're going to be flogging brand new guns off at half price while the ones on the shop wall will slowly collect dust.
We Are Screwed
These are the guys that are supposed to be the best and the brightest when it comes to play, conduct, and representation of the sport. What came out of the woods into the Xtreme Kool world of youth adrenalin sports has become something totally different. How the hell are we going to manage to do anything except piss people off with shit like this happening for the whole world to see?
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