So you want to get sponsored...

There a ton of articles online about how to get sponsored but nobody seems to bother to read them. So here's some more shouting into a dark hole for you.

Pretend for just a moment that I am a shop owner. You and your friend come into my shop and tell me you're starting a team at your local school and how much money will I pay to have them put my shop logo on their jersey?

If there is somebody out there that makes mechanical trapdoors above pits of spikes, you could do booming business in paintball.

But before I throw the level dropping you to certain death, here are some general guidelines.

To approach any business, be it a shop, field, manufacturer, or paint company, you are going to have to get your shit in order. First question, can I see your portfolio?

(blank stares)

Yes. You need to put together a portfolio, or resume, of your team. What you have done, what you plan to do, your team number for the leagues you are in, information on the players, the whole shebang. If you do not have this you are doomed. I know, I know, you're going to be a pro paintballer so the only skills you have are seizure-like fingers and the ability to trash motel rooms. But seriously, you need to try to look professional at least on paper.

If you are looking for sponsors then you're probably not going to be going direct to a manufacturer but rather the local lunatic that decided to ruin his life by opening a paintball shop. Here are some benefits that you can bring to your favorite local shop:

1) Buy your gear and paint from them. If everybody on your team buys some stuff it makes the owner much happier, even if he is giving you a slight discount already. If you are a 'regular' and have some sort of relationship with the shop it's going to be a lot easier to talk about sponsorship.

2) Field owner? Bring by a brand-new rental player every weekend you practice there. Grab uncles, cousins, friends from school, and introduce them to the sport of paintball. If you setup a couple rental groups for a church outreach or bachelor party then the owner will probably hook you up with something and make you look like an all-star. New blood for a field is absolutely awesome and if your bud really likes it then bring him over to the shop to pick up a gun or at least some accessories. My tip: Have your excited friend buy a decent mask before anything else. It's comfy and is an easier purchase on their wallet than a whole setup.

3) Tell people you know to shop at the paintball store you want to be sponsored by, or are already sponsored by for that matter. This makes shop owners VERY happy. This is a lot better than having their tiny logo somewhere on your jersey in a sea of hundreds of other logos at a tournament which is probably far away anyways. One guy I know who owns a shop east of me sponsors a team by getting them paint at cost - in an entire year not one person has come into his store and said, "Tipsy McStagger from Team Douchepants told me to buy from you!" He is not a happy camper and his sponsored team is probably going to be unhappy pretty soon.

4) Your local field probably needs some help setting up and tearing down. Get all your teammates out there to do some grunt work in the morning or evening and even if you suck and never win your sponsor will be getting SOME value from having you out there.

5) WIN A GODDAMNED TROPHY. Seriously. You don't have to dominate the local circuit but for shit's sake win something and bring it to the shop to put on the wall. A trophy only collects dust in your room - at your shop more people will see it and everybody will be in awe of you.

6) Be ambassadors for paintball and your sponsors. Don't cheat (although nowadays that will probably make #5 impossible), help out new players, clean up after yourselves, and make a good impression on the community. If you get better and get some magazine coverage make sure your sponsor's names are spelled correctly; don't worry about your name, nobody gives a damn. Have your grinning mug in the winners circle but make sure it's right next to a big fucking banner covered in sponsors. Do not sleep with the owner's daughter, do not get blazed in the field parking lot, do not steal paint from the shed, and do not shoot the refs in the crotch.

Follow these tips and you and all of your friends could be well on the way to becoming a Triple-B class team like the rest!*

*(BBB= Bitter, Burned out, and Broke)